It seems as though the campaign to win the right to Kiss That Pig is heating up. This is a good thing for as I mentioned in my letter last week my motto is, “Remember, no matter who puckers for that pig, Samaritan House wins!”
Instead of making empty promises and pretending to enjoy kissing that pig, as my opponent Tom McDonald has mentioned, I am actually out there pounding the pavement and doing the job of true fundraising.
Miss Piggy, my fellow Iowan, has endorsed me fully and spoke to my neighbor who then went through the whole neighborhood and campaigned heavily for me. I would like to thank my neighbors for their support. She also spoke to my friend who has the pig heart valve and was able to further fill my coffers.
One thing I would like to point out is that my campaign is totally grassroots while Tom has the advantage of the printed word at his fingertips. I feel that I am the real deal here and down to earth, which is an important qualification to kissing that pig. I think that pig would want to be kissed by someone who is sincere. Don’t you?
My last plea to the public enlisting their support is a promise I can and will keep. That poor pig so far has not been asked for its opinion on who should win the honor to kiss it. It has had its head turned this way and that with all kinds of empty promises. Its neck is probably sore from all that twisting, so I propose that if I am elected to Kiss That Pig, I, being a chiropractor, will give that pig a free treatment for all the stress it has gone through. Can you top that, Tom? Probably not, as this letter, if you should deign to print it, will be in the paper on the last day before the fundraiser ends and you will not have a chance for a rebuttal. Hopefully I will not only get the last word, but also the Kiss.