It was Rosie Lopez who asked me, in 2011, to be part of the Kiss the Pig fundraiser for the Samaritan House. She thinks I’m a great fundraiser so I agreed to be a candidate, but I told her I actually would want to kiss that pig.
I returned to work last month after several days in my native state of Iowa, where I relaxed under a globally warmed late May and early June sun, spent time with my dear mother who turned 90 years old and father who had turned 93 years old, and other family members (about 40 of them), and more than 100 old friends, and traded in burritos for barbecue pulled-pork sandwiches. I tell you this as a basis for my argument that I am the most qualified of the candidates in the fundraiser to kiss that pig.
Tom McDonald, editor of the Optic, may be a Razorback fan from Arkansas, but I’m from Iowa. If you are not familiar with the attributes of Iowa and the connection to hogs, let me illuminate you.
First of all, Iowa is No. 1 for hogs. Yes, No. 1, with 26 percent of hog sales in the USA. Alas, Arkansas has only .7 percent sales in the USA and ranks a mere 18th in dealing with hogs. Iowa is No. 2 in the world, in fact, for hog-related business. I feel sorry for Tom in this regard. Arkansas may be a nice place, but Iowa outshines.
Three previous generations of my family were born and raised on the farm and, among other things, raised hogs. My father sold hog feed for over 35 years, my brother was a hog caller for over 30 years, and my other brother is a plant manager for a company that uses hog parts to make gelatin capsules for the pharmaceutical companies. The hog connection is in my blood, my family, which clearly gives me far more credentials than Tom for kissing that pig.
One more thing about Iowa that I think everyone already knows. Miss Piggy was born and raised in a small town in Iowa. Now if that doesn’t certify my credentials for kissing that pig, what will?
Also, I don’t consider it a sacrifice of dignity; none of us have to kiss that pig. After all, pigs have given their lives for medical research, heart valves (my friend has one), gelatin capsules, pork chops and bacon. I consider it an honor and a family duty to kiss that pig.
Therefore, I humbly ask for your vote — Em Krall, Position 8 on your ballot. It is for a good cause. The Samaritan House certainly is important to our town and needs our support.
So vote for me — and vote often. I’m looking forward to this election. My motto is “Remember, no matter who puckers for that pig, Samaritan House wins!” Let it be me.